arthoniel: (Default)
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YES. YES YES YES YES YES YES YES. YES. YES. Yes, I do indeed find it very, very hard. For several reasons.
One is that I prefer to keep things to myself. For the most part, I have realized that people don't really care about my thoughts and feelings. Not that they don't like me, they'd just rather have my conversation than my feelings. They're not my personal therapists. And people would always rather say the word "I" than hear it.

Two is that I'm just a stoic to begin with. I'm usually just good at hiding my emotions. Actually, that comes out of a book... for the rest of you who have read Tamora Pierce's Protector of the Small quartet, I was always really intrigued by the Yamani, and when I was younger, I wanted to see if I could hide my emotions entirely like they do. I don't actively try to hide my emotions anymore, but I just kind of keep them to myself naturally.

Three is that I like keeping control over myself. And when I have to share something important, especially when it's emotional, I inherantly lose some of that control, and that scares me. I mean, I try to keep iron control over myself, and losing any of that is really... just... no. I don't... can't do it.

Lastly, I feel like... there's always at least a part of me I keep hidden away inside myself, because I don't want anyone to see it. I don't think people would... like me if they knew who I am- all of who I am. I mean, I still like myself because I've learned to deal with that part of me, so I can just chill with it. But... no one else would, or should put up with it... so I don't want anyone to see it. Ever.

---

...On a completely different, much happier and awesomer note- Iron Man 2 is amazing and you should all be watching it. Seriously, that is how a summer action movie is supposed to be done!!

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arthoniel

April 2012

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