Self Esteem
Apr. 22nd, 2010 09:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
arthoniel"I'm fat."
"I'm ugly."
"Yes, but you're smart- I'm a dipshit."
"My pores are huge!!"
"I'm... ah... not too athletic."
"I can't concentrate on anything- I'm so ADD! lol"
"I just know I'm going to make an idiot out of myself when I see her."
"I think the better question is why would he like me? XD"
Why do people hate themselves?
I've noticed this a lot. People put themselves down. A lot. So many times people speak like they just can't do it, whatever "it" may be. Like it's a given that they can't. Almost like it's a feature of themselves, a way they'd describe themself. "I have brown hair and eyes, I'm kinda short, and I'm a fail."
Not to say that no one should ever say or think anything bad about themselves ever. Self-depricating humor is one of the oldest comedy styles in the book, because it can be really funny. And even if you're serious, if you really do have a problem or something about yourself that you can and want to change, you'll never be able to do anything about it until you admit it. So that's not to say that everything negative you say about yourself is horrible and means you're a little emo kid- self-deprication can sometimes be good and/or useful.
But not all self-deprication is good. In fact, most of it isn't. I've seen people (and not just girls) talk about some negative aspect of themselves way too often, and most of the time it's about something that only they see. They'll use it as an excuse, or as a reason or justification for something. Or they use it as a fact to back up an argument. I guess what I'm trying to say is that what they see as what's wrong with them is taken as irrefutable fact- that they automatically belive it, like "the ocean is blue" or "the sun is hot". They don't question it in the slightest- it's assumed to be obviously true.
The point I'm getting to with all of this though is... well, it's more of a question. And it's a simple one. Why? Why do people hate themselves so much? Eleanor Roosevelt once said "no one can make you feel bad without your consent." But when you're the one making yourself feel badly, you allow yourself to make yourself feel badly every bit as much as you would be if you let some stupid insult really hurt you... why? (And I use "you" in the general sense, meaning "the rest of the world", for the most part. It goes out to anyone who can answer- it's not towards anyone in specific.) Does it seem more poetic? Does life seem to have more meaning when you hate yourself? Do you feel deeper when you hate yourself? Or do you feel like it gives you a greater liscence to complain and let how you're really feeling out when you think that nobody likes you? When you assume they're going to reject you, is it liberating?
And if it's not any of that, then why? Because in many ways, you (the general sense again, but this time "you" means "people who actually dislike/hate themselves") have a point. Almost. The thing is, if you don't like yourself, why should anyone else? You create this situation for yourself where of course no one will like you- you don't let them. People are sheep, for the most part. If you try to convince them that you're ugly and boring and not worth being around, they will usually be convinced. And then they follow the natural steps that come after that- not wanting to be with you, they won't. You don't give people a chance to like you because you assume that they won't/don't; because you don't like yourself to begin with.
But why don't you like yourselves? Life itself is beautiful, extraordinary, awesome, gorgeous, and it's because you're in it. You could never experience the joy that comes with laughing until you cry, the thrill of finally finishing something you've worked on for ages (be it a project or beating a Pokemon gym- yes, that counts too), or that quivery happy feeling whenever you find that you like like somebody without you. You are what makes your world so incredible. And you can't possibly argue that the world isn't amazing- the fact of life and our existance to begin with proves that wrong. But none of it would be there without you.
You create your world. The world would not be nearly the same without you. And the world is divine. So the next question then is not just why don't you like yourself, but how could you? How dare you not like yourself? Who are you to tell yourself that you're not exceptional? What gives you that right? Why would you ever even think about insulting the creator of such a spectacular thing?
This is all not to say that everyone is perfect. Far from it- no one is perfect. Everyone has their flaws- we wouldn't be human if we didn't. Everyone has things about themselves that they want to work on. But that doesn't give you the right to hate yourself. Ever. Just because you're not perfect doesn't mean that you can think that you're not worth anything. Everyone is, even with their flaws, worth the world because the world is a better place because of them; because the world exists because of them. Everyone is worth the world.
So why would anyone ever think that they're not?
"I'm ugly."
"Yes, but you're smart- I'm a dipshit."
"My pores are huge!!"
"I'm... ah... not too athletic."
"I can't concentrate on anything- I'm so ADD! lol"
"I just know I'm going to make an idiot out of myself when I see her."
"I think the better question is why would he like me? XD"
Why do people hate themselves?
I've noticed this a lot. People put themselves down. A lot. So many times people speak like they just can't do it, whatever "it" may be. Like it's a given that they can't. Almost like it's a feature of themselves, a way they'd describe themself. "I have brown hair and eyes, I'm kinda short, and I'm a fail."
Not to say that no one should ever say or think anything bad about themselves ever. Self-depricating humor is one of the oldest comedy styles in the book, because it can be really funny. And even if you're serious, if you really do have a problem or something about yourself that you can and want to change, you'll never be able to do anything about it until you admit it. So that's not to say that everything negative you say about yourself is horrible and means you're a little emo kid- self-deprication can sometimes be good and/or useful.
But not all self-deprication is good. In fact, most of it isn't. I've seen people (and not just girls) talk about some negative aspect of themselves way too often, and most of the time it's about something that only they see. They'll use it as an excuse, or as a reason or justification for something. Or they use it as a fact to back up an argument. I guess what I'm trying to say is that what they see as what's wrong with them is taken as irrefutable fact- that they automatically belive it, like "the ocean is blue" or "the sun is hot". They don't question it in the slightest- it's assumed to be obviously true.
The point I'm getting to with all of this though is... well, it's more of a question. And it's a simple one. Why? Why do people hate themselves so much? Eleanor Roosevelt once said "no one can make you feel bad without your consent." But when you're the one making yourself feel badly, you allow yourself to make yourself feel badly every bit as much as you would be if you let some stupid insult really hurt you... why? (And I use "you" in the general sense, meaning "the rest of the world", for the most part. It goes out to anyone who can answer- it's not towards anyone in specific.) Does it seem more poetic? Does life seem to have more meaning when you hate yourself? Do you feel deeper when you hate yourself? Or do you feel like it gives you a greater liscence to complain and let how you're really feeling out when you think that nobody likes you? When you assume they're going to reject you, is it liberating?
And if it's not any of that, then why? Because in many ways, you (the general sense again, but this time "you" means "people who actually dislike/hate themselves") have a point. Almost. The thing is, if you don't like yourself, why should anyone else? You create this situation for yourself where of course no one will like you- you don't let them. People are sheep, for the most part. If you try to convince them that you're ugly and boring and not worth being around, they will usually be convinced. And then they follow the natural steps that come after that- not wanting to be with you, they won't. You don't give people a chance to like you because you assume that they won't/don't; because you don't like yourself to begin with.
But why don't you like yourselves? Life itself is beautiful, extraordinary, awesome, gorgeous, and it's because you're in it. You could never experience the joy that comes with laughing until you cry, the thrill of finally finishing something you've worked on for ages (be it a project or beating a Pokemon gym- yes, that counts too), or that quivery happy feeling whenever you find that you like like somebody without you. You are what makes your world so incredible. And you can't possibly argue that the world isn't amazing- the fact of life and our existance to begin with proves that wrong. But none of it would be there without you.
You create your world. The world would not be nearly the same without you. And the world is divine. So the next question then is not just why don't you like yourself, but how could you? How dare you not like yourself? Who are you to tell yourself that you're not exceptional? What gives you that right? Why would you ever even think about insulting the creator of such a spectacular thing?
This is all not to say that everyone is perfect. Far from it- no one is perfect. Everyone has their flaws- we wouldn't be human if we didn't. Everyone has things about themselves that they want to work on. But that doesn't give you the right to hate yourself. Ever. Just because you're not perfect doesn't mean that you can think that you're not worth anything. Everyone is, even with their flaws, worth the world because the world is a better place because of them; because the world exists because of them. Everyone is worth the world.
So why would anyone ever think that they're not?
