I'll Try Defying Gravity

Why the hell did I work so hard in school, try so hard to do well in all of my classes, if my grades can't even get me into the colleges I'm applying to? Why did I waste so much time on that crap?

Amherst- No
Brandeis- Wait listed
Wesleyan- No
Trinity- Haven't heard back from yet
Northwestern- No
SUNY Binghamton- Haven't heard back from yet
SUNY Albany- Yes
SUNY Purchase (Acting conservatory)- No
CUNY Macaulay Honors (at Hunter College)- No

I just don't understand why I wasted so much time, so much of my life, if I can't even get this.

I have a nearly straight-A average, I got two fours and a five (all out of five) on the APs I took, with score choice (and nearly all of the colleges I applied to use score choice) on the SATs I have a composite score of 2120, with one of the parts of that being a perfect 800... and I worked so hard to get all that. Why did I even bother?

My brother has issues. It's not something I talk about often, but they're there, and they affect my life though him. But I've grown accustomed to them... and I've learned to work and live around them.

And then a day like today happens, and I'm just ashamed to call him my brother.

I got home from school late today, because I was at Drama Club. And, you know, the founder and president kinda has to be there for the whole time, and more. So I got home, took off my shoes and whatnot, got a snack, did as much of the New York Times Crossword as I could, and then went into the living room to watch some (TiVoed) TV. Like last night's Daily Show with Jon Stewart and Colbert Report.

Now, until about 6:15-6:30 or so, I have the house all to myself, like I did today. So I started watching the Daily Show at around 6:00. And then my brother got home at around 6:15 like he normally does, and he wants to watch TV while he eats his dinner. (Comprised solely of McDonald's food, by the way.) I ask him to just wait a little while until I'm done with what I want to watch, and then he can do whatever the hell he wans.

He starts screaming. He wanted to watch TV right then and he didn't want to eat his dinner unless he could watch TV while doing it and he had the right to do it since he just got home and I couldn't watch TV until he was done. And then he tried to get into a remote/manual war with me, where he turned the TV off manually, I tried to turn the TV on with my remote, and he turns it back off. I refused to engage him though, so it simply stayed off.

He managed to mostly calm down after that, he wasn't screaming like an animal anymore, but he still refused to let me finish my show. If he couldn't have his "simple pleasures", then, according to him, neither could I.

Fast forward about 45 minutes-an hour later. We're still stuck in the same problem. He refuses to let me watch TV, I refuse to back down. (Part of it is just that I'm stubborn like that... but also, he was being way out of line, and giving in to him just makes it worse.) My mother comes home, and she hears what's going on... and sides with me. Especially when she hears the kind of tantrum he's been throwing.

He flips out again. Crying, and literally ferally screaming, like a wild beast. My mother finally gets him under control but...

I've had it. I'm just... done. I can't put up with his bullshit anymore. I don't care how bad his issues are- he's just so childish!! His issues are bad, but they're not that bad. I'm just... I'm done.

And the best part is that I still have to deal with him until I finally leave for college.